Saturday, January 7, 2017

Becoming Brave

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity, 
but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
~2 Timothy 1:7~

The word "timid" has plagued me all my life.

When I was in first grade, the teacher would call us to her desk and make us spell a list of words. If we misspelled one, she would ask us that same word the next day and the following day until we got it right. I spelled all my words correctly except for one. Give you one guess which word I missed.

  1. showing a lack of courage or confidence; easily frightened.

So, of course, I got that same word again the very next day. And the next day. 
And the day after that. I kept getting that word over and over again even though 
I swear I spelled it right. It was like a bad dream. 

A nightmare.

In my young, impressionable mind, that word grew larger and larger day after day until it was as tall as a skyscraper. It was insurmountable. It's towering presence loomed over me. It cast a dark shadow blocking out the sun. It grew an evil mouth that mocked me and laughed his sinister laugh every time I got it wrong.

But it didn't stop there. He grew legs and began to follow me.

Throughout my childhood. Into my teenage years. He has always been near. 
Even now, I can hear him laughing, whispering lies into my ears. Taunting me. 
His cold, bony fingers grip my shoulders, holding me back from all I could be.

But no more. Enough is enough.

Inner demons only have power over us in the darkness. Not in the light of day. When we keep them a secret, we remain a prisoner. Blindfolded. 

Gagged and bound.

"We look for light, but all is darkness; for brightness, but we walk in deep shadows. Like the blind, we grope along the wall, feeling our way like men without eyes" (Isaiah 59:9-10). Staggering like a drunkard.

But light dispels the darkness. And the truth shall set you free.

So I'm outing him.

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